Mom’s Mondays: On Fatherhood

10 Comments

Welcome to the very first Mom’s Mondays post! What I have learned since I become mother is that whether you live in a society where motherhood is celebrated, or in one where it is simply assumed, most of us could better fulfill our roles as a mothers if we have more support from one another. This series is dedicated to all women who share the experience known as motherhood. I will be honored to have some awesome moms sharing their individual perspectives that are also universal. On today’s #momsmondays I will share my thoughts On Fatherhood. I look forward to connecting, supporting and accepting each other as a women and mothers at every point along this little journey.

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On Fatherhood

The first time I heard the phrase ”stay at home mother”, I pictured T going to work every morning leaving me behind, in all that ”home mess”, to be sorted eventually and of course by me. I never imagined my vision would come true, and that T would indeed do the leaving, every day, and me the staying. The dads left. The moms stayed.

In my early days of motherhood, I would often go hours without saying single recognizable word or hearing other adult’s voice. I cooed. shushed. hummed. When you in your thirties new mother, making friends isn’t always easy and not something I was told when I was excepting.

I recently joined local group of first time mothers. Met some lovely ladies, through our talks I got courage to keep going on the worst of days. Here, woman feel free to tearfully retell stories of sleepless nights or insensitive husbands. Here I feel safe enough to expose any fears or doubts about my daughter’s development, or my own ability to parent, knowing I will get friendly support. Our discussions about motherhood are endless, we do well or we don’t. Either way something was missing from those discussions, but I couldn’t get what it was at first. I felt like something is missing and that ”something” keeps me isolated and unable as much as I’m trying.

Eventually, I began to see that it is not a something that is missing, but a someone. It is man – and men in general.

My uncertainty about choosing to stay home is influenced by the gap that began to form between T’s daily life and mine. He is still living his old, pre-child life, with minor adjustments. He can work late without looking after our daughter. He has time to check his emails, talk on the phone, drink coffee while it is still hot. He has at least a train-ride-home amount of time to just sit and think. And he continue to develop his professional skills while my skills wither away.

Ever since I become mother I’m trying to organise ”me time” where I can do my own things and run my blog. Honestly…there is no organizing. It is either stay up late or during the nap time; and then when babysitter comes over it is for date night. Don’t get me wrong the date nights are awesome but not much-needed just ”me time”.

Despite this, my hope is that there will come day where you no longer need to be female or even perfect to properly nurture children. And,  eventually … my world will begin to feel more in balance.

I would love to hear your thoughts, please do share them?

 

10 Comments
  • P. Jeanne

    Reply

    I can totally relate to what you’re experiencing which was a big reason why I decided to enroll Jase into daycare twice a week starting in the fall. Even though I’ll still have Savannah with me during that time, my hope is that I’ll get an hour or so of me time while she naps and Jase is at school. The dads don’t quite understand, but that’s what makes connections like ours so great <3 XOXO~P

    • MLK123

      I love your comment P, I will be doing same things soon. Yes sure that’s why I meet some awesome mamas like you!
      xoxox

  • tineke - workingmommyabroad

    Reply

    Yesss me-time is so important!!! I started with getting some me-time in the weekends when my bf was home and would go to the gym (or actually mostly the sauna in the gym ;)) and now i also sometimes ask my parents in law to babysit if i want to have dinner with friends or something. xo

    • MLK123

      That’s so good to be able to make me-time…sadly my parents and in-lows live abroad…so if it is not my husband it has to be babysitter. Thanks Tineke

  • Vanessa

    Reply

    UM yes! I can totally relate. Oh MY word! I drink cold coffee all the time and rarely have a second to myself. Someday, right? But someday these crazy mom days will slow down and all the wonderful things we have going on right now will be over, so I try and enjoy…even the tears and screams!

    • MLK123

      I know it is same with me…I have ”those” and ”that” days. Thanks Vanessa

  • Jasmine Hewitt

    Reply

    I can relate as a sahm. Husband is gone most days, and it’s just e and the kid. I’d like more “me time” but i’ve accepted that it’s just not in the cards right now.

    • MLK123

      Same here…Thanks Jasmine.

  • Christina

    Reply

    I can relate. Sometimes I get a little resentful about how much freedom my husband has. We will get through this stage and everything will be alright.

    • MLK123

      We will for sure…Thanks Christine!

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